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Purpose

“THANK YOU GOD FOR BRINGING ME TO MY KNEES”

When you show up in your human AF state, refusing to listen to God or soul and make your centre what it should be, insistent that ‘I know best’, resistant to surrender to Him, to surrender to soul and let yourself be led, don’t be surprised if you find yourself struck down, on your knees, once again on the floor crying and wondering how you didn’t see that coming.

I had something happen this week which, in one fell swoop, shattered my cocky ‘I, the human AF me, am in charge of my own life’ refusal to put God first. Refusal? Hmmm, not that exactly, more like a ‘can I really trust?’ sort of thing.

Can I really trust God, that if I let go and hand this area of my life over to you, that my needs and desires will be met? I don’t know! I don’t know if I can trust in that, if I am willing to hand over the reigns in that area! I get that you are all powerful and want and also KNOW the best for me, but maybe, hmmm, maybe I’ll just get this one myself, yeah?

What’s funny is, I felt God watching and waiting, arms crossed patiently, tapping one finger against the opposite elbow and giving me a look which reminds me of my Grandfather, something like – “Okay then child. Let’s see how that plays out for you. I’ll be right here, still waiting, still loving, always ready, when it all comes crashing down”.

The thing is, whether you wanna put God in the conversation or no, when we try to do things only in our human ‘me me me, ME is in charge, ME knows what to do, ME has the answers to all things, WATCH ME RUN MY LIFE ALL BY MYSELF’ state, not only do we sound like particularly amusing 3 year-olds who think we know what’s up, and it’s kinda cute, but also?

WE LITERALLY BLOCK OFF OUR ABILITY TO ACCESS RECEIVE OR BE GIVEN THE ACTUAL EVERYTHING THAT WAS IN STORE FOR US.

Operating purely in the physical like this, on a God AND an energetic AND a science level (and YES by the way, all these things go together, in fact Science was FOUNDED on Christianity, via amazing men like Galileo and others of his era), reduces our ability to download and access creativity, magic, flow, and literal INFORMATION by over 99%.

It’s like having a wide open damn, water gushing, abundance infinite –

And then closing it off so only a mere trickle comes through.

You’ve experienced this, you know this, you’ve seen what your life is like when you let go and let FLOW, when you stop trying to DO or FORCE or PUSH or THINK your way to success.

So yes.

I felt God waiting.

I knew that even if what I thought was playing out WOULD play out as the thing, that I’d kinda already (not kinda lol) got the ball rolling the wrong way by having God in the conversation as a side note rather than as centric.

“Oh hey God – I’m over here deciding that I know best, you’re cool with that right, can you get on board with this sitch over here? K thanks, bye”.

Haha.

I love all of this.

I LOVE that I was brought to my knees this week. Humbled. Shattered. Sad and deflated and contracted and ‘wtf-ing’ all over the place for a MINUTE.

And then, within minutes, able to OH so clearly see –

“Oh. 

Oh yes.

OF COURSE.

THANK YOU”.

And this morning I got up, feel sad, but feeling FULL acceptance, and also IMMEDIATE readiness for what is next.

One thing I am very proud of myself about, is that over this past year, or perhaps even past 6 months, I have become DAMN good at turning my back in a split second THE split second I recognise and admit that a thing is not aligned.

I just don’t bullshit myself the way I used to.

I’m talking about my personal life right now, but on a not-so-side-note, wanna know how I make millions each year in my online biz, doing exactly what I want and being fully me, all purpose led?

^^^ that.

I stopped bullshitting myself years ago in business, and I got really damn good at INSTANTLY walking away from not-fuck-yes, and at relentlessly pursuing and holding space and belief for that I get to have it all, on my terms.

Some areas of our lives we hold out longer yeah?

It’s okay.

God has always got us.

Soul is always waiting.

WE GET A FRESH SLATE ANY DAMN TIME WE CHOOSE IT.

This morning as all of this was reminded to me, I sat and wrote, journaled, ADMITTED, and released –

“My peace is found in God, in me. I find it WITHIN me, from finding it in God.

I surrender in this area now God.

I hand it over.

I’m sorry.

I will let you lead.

I will let you show me the way.

I now fully shift my focus.

God first.”

And I acknowledge –

“That was the last piece I had to let go of. Okay, sure, and then there will always be more, of course.

THERE WILL NEVER STOP BEING MORE TO LET GO OF!

Thank you thank you thank you, Amen.”

And finally –

“What are you directing me towards?”

Maybe you want to roll your eyes at the idea of not being in control of your own life, at my suggestion that this is not a good idea, at the concept of handing anything let alone everything over to God.

Okay, cool. Do what you like. That’s the whole point. You are ALWAYS allowed to do what you want.

Just don’t be surprised when it INEVITABLY all comes crashing down and you don’t GET what you want, or – perhaps worse still – you do. And then OH.

Like I said, with or without putting GOD in the conversation, life without surrender does not WORK.

We know this.

At some point perhaps you desire to TRUST in this.

At some point perhaps you will stop fuming about things not working, or letting it cause you to feel sad or mad or bad or ‘why me’ for more than a human second, and instead you will pause.

Tune in.

And say OHHHHH –

Okay THANK YOU God. Thank you SOUL. Thank you LIFE.

For affording me the lessons I clearly still need.

For BREAKING me and bringing me to my knees in order to help me finally admit where I was off my true path.

And where I am now willing to let go, and let you.

To put God, soul, Higher Self at the centre, but ALWAYS.

Yes, it’s gonna be scary.

Yes, it feels annoying sometimes! Why do I always have to freakin’ trust! And why is what I want not here yet?! Maybe I can ‘make’ it be here! I’m sick of waiting!

But,

Maybe you still GET to practice patience.

Maybe you still GET to get your path fully on path, and yourself centred in what must BE at the centre.

And maybe if you actually wanna speed shit up it might be time to admit that!

To admit that while surrender feels worrisome, like it’s gonna mean you don’t get what you want and feel you need, it is ACTUALLY the fast track.

What if this whole entire damn time –

God was the fast-track?

Just something to think about.

Remember –

Life is Now. Press Play! 

Kat x

PS.

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